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"The sadness will last forever" - Vincent Van Gogh.

He's right. I've come to the term that forcing myself to be happy is the best thing. Because, at the end of the day, there will always be this sadness that will trail along with me no matter where I go, hide or expose myself. It will never go away. It's there like a little scream. Little is underrated. Something little can build into being something absolutely massive. So, by forcing happiness upon myself until I actually am will be like my chemotherapy for depression. It won't work. But it will feel like it is working because it is destroying me. I simply can't think about things too much because it is sad. Sadness lasts forever, I want it to be over but it never, ever will be. It's just an emotion and it's all in my head. But that's the worst thing. Right now it is only in my head, but it has begun spreading to my heart, my spine, gnawing at my bones, playing keyboard on my rib cage - causing these bones of mine to ache with sadness.