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I never really write down personal things without disguising my thoughts behind a bunch of words, hoping a metaphorical sense would capture the attention more than my raw emotions but a lot has gone on. Sometimes, I find it so hard to breathe and when I lay awake at 2:30 a.m hysterically weeping, I have no idea why. I'm a teenager who gets attached far too easily, but that's normal and I know that. But one minute I feel euphoric, give it about 20 minutes then it sinks in, another 20 and I'm flooding in tears. To be held by someone, to have someone to listen to me, to be anywhere but here. I don't know what I've done wrong but I'm surely getting punished for it. And now as I write, my screen and letters I type blur as it begins sinking in: I'm alive.