038

I feel
As if I am not really here
But rather that I am
Floating on thin air
The air becomes hot
And suddenly it is hard to breathe
Particles which conclude my demons
Arrive at the tip of my tongue
And together they breed

In another dimension
A whole lifetime away
A womb is occupied
By a small, almost life-like child
But it was deformed
It never really got the chance
To drain the oxygen from my blood
Before I ordered for them to take it away

Illegal white gloves
And deceiving green cloaks
Pulled you out of me
But who are they to blame
I asked them to help me kill you
Anyway

I hope
That one day you will understand
I couldn't stay awake anymore
Couldn't cope with the pressure
Of the particles moving my tongue
The dust that had accumulated
In my throat
Drowned my voice and
Made what I said blunt

So premature child
Tell me
Is it too early to want to die
Because I swear to god
That day when you came out of me
And refused to cry
You looked at me with disgust
As if I should have left you

Lying
Against the weak walls of my uterus
For the concrete to knock your spine
And leave you lifeless
Selfish I am
I already know
But I wanted to have something
To live for myself

And now as I wipe the blood
Off your left knee
After your first day
Of primary
You look down at me
As if to ask
Why I brought you here
Because my demons
Pushed you over too